Home › Guides › How to Talk to Your Kids About the Divorce

How to Talk to Your Kids About the Divorce

Reviewed by the Amicably document team · Updated September 6, 2026

Tell your kids together, in person, before they can hear it from anyone else: use short, honest, blame-free language, name what is and is not changing, and give them a real chance to ask questions. The words that work shift with age, but the structure does not. This guide gives you a joint script, age-by-age answers to the questions kids actually ask, and what to watch for in the weeks after the conversation.

It is written for parents who plan to stay involved co-parents after the divorce and want the first conversation to set that tone. If you and your co-parent already agree on the basics of your case, the timing here lines up with an uncontested Florida filing with children.

When to tell them

Tell your kids after the two of you have agreed you are divorcing and have a rough plan for living arrangements, but before either of you moves out or anyone else in the family knows. Kids who hear it secondhand, or notice a moving box before anyone explains it, tend to fill the silence with a worse story than the truth. Pick a low-pressure time, a weekend morning rather than a school night, and plan for the conversation to happen at home where everyone can react without an audience.

Avoid telling them right before a birthday, holiday, or big event if you can help it; the memory of that day tends to fuse with the news. Beyond that, waiting for a perfect moment usually just adds more secrecy than it saves.

A joint script for the conversation

A short script keeps both parents saying the same thing, in the same order, without either one improvising in the moment.

1. Start together: "We asked you here because we have something important to tell you, and we wanted to tell you together." Sitting side by side, even briefly, matters more than what either of you says next.
2. State the fact plainly: "We have decided to get divorced. That means we won't be married anymore, and we won't all live in the same house." Avoid "trial separation" or other soft language that invites false hope.
3. Name the cause without blame: "This is a grown-up decision about our marriage. It is not because of anything you did or didn't do." Say this even if it seems obvious; kids often assume responsibility silently.
4. Describe what stays the same: school, friends, pets, and both parents' love and involvement. Concrete, specific reassurance lands better than "everything will be fine."
5. Give the practical shape, as much as you have settled: who is moving, roughly when, and what the week will look like. Leave open only what is genuinely still undecided; say so plainly rather than guessing.
6. Open the floor: "What questions do you have?" Expect to answer some of them more than once, on different days, as the news settles in.

What to say, by age

The facts you share barely change; the words carrying them do.

Whatever the age, resist the pull to give more detail than the question asked for. A child who asks "why" is usually asking for reassurance, not a full account of the marriage.

What helps, what makes it harder

Questions kids ask, and how to answer them

"Did I do something wrong?" No, and say so directly rather than assuming it is obvious. This is one of the most common quiet fears, especially in younger children.

"Do you still love each other?" An honest, age-appropriate answer works better than a script: something like "we love you both completely, and that never changes, even though we won't be married anymore."

"Where will I live?" Give the real answer if you have one settled, or say plainly that the schedule is still being worked out and you will tell them as soon as it is decided. Uncertainty handled honestly is easier on a child than a promise that later changes.

"Will you get back together?" Close this door kindly but clearly if the decision is final: "No, this is a final decision. But we will both always be your parents."

"Can I tell my friends?" Let the child decide when and how much to share with peers; do not ask them to hide it from anyone, including the other parent's side of the family.

Matching your words to your Florida parenting plan

Whatever schedule you describe to your kids should match what actually gets filed. Florida requires a Parenting Plan, Form 12.995(a), in every uncontested case with minor children, covering the time-sharing schedule and how decisions about school, health, and other major matters get made . Both parents also separately complete the Parent Education and Family Stabilization Course, which does not have to be finished before the conversation but is worth mentioning to your kids if they ask what happens next . If your case does not involve minor children, none of this applies, and the conversation is entirely a family one rather than a legal one.

Describing a schedule to your children before it is settled between the two of you tends to create a second, harder conversation later when the filed plan looks different. If the broad shape (which parent, which nights) is agreed, share that; leave the fine detail for once the parenting plan itself is drafted.

The first 30 days after the conversation

1. Day 0Have the joint conversation. Keep the rest of the day as normal as you can; a familiar routine right after the news is reassuring on its own.
2. Week 1Expect follow-up questions, at random moments, more than once. Answer them the same way each time so the story stays consistent.
3. Week 2If the living arrangement is changing, walk your kids through the new space before the first night there, even briefly.
4. Week 3Loop in a teacher or school counselor if grades or behavior are shifting; a heads-up before problems show up helps more than a reaction after.
5. Day 30Check in directly: "How are you feeling about everything now?" A month in, kids often have new questions they did not have language for on day one.

Signs your child needs more support

Most kids adjust with time, consistency, and two parents who keep the conflict away from them. Watch for changes that last more than two or three weeks: trouble sleeping or eating, a drop in grades, pulling away from friends, or a return of behavior they had outgrown, like bedwetting or tantrums in an older child. Any of those, or a child who talks about wanting to hurt themselves, is worth a call to their pediatrician or school counselor for a referral to someone who works with kids through divorce specifically.

Frequently asked questions